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Whatever it is, apparently I don’t have enough of it. In thinking about it, I’m not even sure when they say that, it’s the real issue.• But by far the most important advice I can give is LISTEN! Yes, money is important (I don't have much, so I can only assume from what I've heard), and being attractive is great (I'm not Clooney but I try my best.) But listening trumps them all. Being genuinely interested in hearing about their histories, their successes, their disappointments, their journeys yet to take. • And fourth, listening is an amazingly under-appreciated talent. Hearing someone's story and details about their life is what it's all about, as far as I'm concerned. I am always stunned by how most people just don't listen, and how far one can get simply by listening. It's when you think of dating as auditioning a potential soulmate that it becomes fraught with anxiety, unpleasantness, and emotional danger. I'm interested in learning what we do and don't have in common, and which of the divergences matter a lot.Plus, the writer in me loves hearing people's stories, and first dates are a great way to learn a huge amount in an hour, because it's expected that we share our stories.